Take The First Step In Coming Unstuck: Make A Decision
Following on from our last blog about limiting beliefs, this blog focuses on ‘the next step’ – making a decision for yourself (this is all about yourself and your growth) and executing it. Taking action. This is about deciding on a personal goal for yourself. One that will make you happy and feel good about yourself – one that you have been wanting to do a long time, but never did.
The new year is still exactly that — new — and there is still ample time to reconsider the goals you want to achieve for yourself this year, but not yet have taken the actual steps to get the ball rolling. It’s never too late, despite any excuses you may already have identified for yourself about why now is not a good time.
As we’re moving into this new year and want to take action on new goals or decisions for ourselves, it’s important to notice that we can’t create new results in our lives if we operate from an ‘I can’t / I’m not worth it / it is not meant for me’ stance.
When you notice this response in your thinking, you’re back in the world of self-doubt/fear or just freaking out.
What do you do?
What do you normally do when you go into fear or self-doubt? Do you avoid the next step to press the action button, or do you say to yourself ‘not now, I need to wait’?
Or do you make the actual decision and do the doing bit?
The role of indecision
Indecision – also known as procrastination – is a way of harming yourself. This is my view: it steals your initial motivation and cuts off your energy. It reinforces the belief that you can’t trust yourself and before even asking, you will be able to tell yourself all the reasons: ‘why you can’t’, or ‘it’s not the right time’, or ‘this has to wait’, or ‘I need to think a bit more about xyz’, or ‘remember the many before you have failed’.
It’s necessary to see what is happening in your thinking when you notice this pattern: are you allowing yourself to say ‘yes’ to you – this plan, this goal, this dream – or not?
Are you operating from a place of fear when you talk to yourself this way – or not?
Will you make mistakes? Probably, yes. We all make mistakes, but we also learn from them.
Are you operating from a position of ‘I’m taking a stand here for myself’ and therefore I’m making a decision that will be to my benefit – or not?
The need for proof
Before we make a decision the chatter in our mind can often demand ‘proof’ on whether this will work and we often find all the reasons why it can’t work out – not now, maybe later once you have established a or b.
Self-doubt then creeps into the discussion as it enters the ‘top room’ in your mind. It brings along all the old familiar Fears and Conditioned Beliefs — both very happy to be joining the meeting. Suddenly the atmosphere sounds very familiar again! Just to make the discussion even more anxious, the ‘What if’s’ also decide to arrive uninvited.
At the end of this discussion, you feel exhausted, stupid, having lost all your energy. ‘What’s the point? – I don’t know why I even bothered to want this for myself’. And often this is where the one thing you wanted to do for yourself this year – stays stuck.
But what if you can?
This Thomas Jefferson quote reminds us to follow our heart by doing the one thing we’ve always wanted to do. That includes making a decision:
‘If you want something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.’
— Thomas Jefferson
As your frustration grows again and you reconsider the initial thought of this goal – try a different strategy. One where you don’t demand to ‘see proof’. What happens when you rethink your goal from the peaceful position of loving all of yourself – your thoughts, your strengths, your abilities, everything you’ve overcome in your life, your dreams for yourself and your challenges which aren’t against you but are helping you – the total you?
Then look at this one thing you want to achieve for yourself and deliberately block the ‘not now’/ the can’t / the yes but / the ‘it’s not meant for me —and flip it to: ‘what if I can?’.
It may be worthwhile to ask whether and how all those conditioned/limiting beliefs have helped you move forward before? Have they helped to achieve any other goals you had for yourself?
What if you let them go and just go with the ‘what if I can?’.
The what-ifs, conditioned beliefs, self-doubt, all serve a purpose of wanting to keep us safe from doing the ‘unknown’, the new, the different. That’s all. They become a problem when they are always in charge of you and not vice versa. You can override them.
One way is by deciding to do what it is you want to do for yourself. However, you then need to press the action button and take the first steps towards your goal.
What happens when you do make a decision?
If you want to change or do something for yourself this year it won’t happen as long as you’re just thinking about it.
To get results implies do-ing. Making a decision. Then make the plan and take the first step – consistently.
Once you decide, you’ll see a ripple effect. It leads to an action step, which in turn leads to movement – a plan now takes form, based on the initial thought you had. It, in turn, leads to further steps you need to take, which in turn leads to certain required behaviour.
ventually, it all comes together in the result we wanted in the first place with the initial thought.
None of this can happen – as long as you’re not making that decision.
Allowing indecision, on the other hand, will sap away the motivation and energy you felt the first time you thought ‘this is what I want to do for myself/achieve/work towards’. By going with its flow and losing more motivation, you just ‘flow’ further and further from that great thought – leading to no result.
Indecision leads to no result.
You may make mistakes along the way. But you will learn new skills, new ways of looking at it, getting motivated, feeling proud of yourself as you notice your growth forward, learning to stay focussed and finding others along your journey who are also going after their goals. You’ll be in a bigger pond and get inspired by exposure to all the other stories from similar people with a similar goal. All the while, when you look back, Indecision will still be sitting on the same rock – just getting smaller and smaller as you’re moving ahead downstream.
The relevance of loving yourself
Loving yourself — as you are with all your greatness and flaws — can be very hard to do for many. We tend to think everything about us needs to be perfect first before we can do or achieve anything.
Starting from the position of accepting yourself – as you are – and therefore liking/loving yourself – recognises and respects your worth and the unique value you bring to what you’re doing. There is only one copy of you, with your particular look at things, abilities, talents and experiences. There’s only one you with your specific mix of mind, body and spiritual awareness. It’s worth something, isn’t it?
Looking at your goal from this perspective is so much more than just viewing it from the premise of ‘what’s the proof?’ Or ‘I can’t’. It’s a premise that does not cater for a contribution from Self-doubt, What if, Limiting beliefs, or Indecision. You are so much more than all of them. Allow yourself to start from a position of self-compassion, self-acceptance and trust in who you are.
- To achieve your goal this year, you need to make a decision:
– To do it
– Then take action
– Devise your plan
– Break it into small steps
- Realise that you will make mistakes along the way – it’s ok. Carry on!
- Focus on ‘but what if I can?’
Not on Indecision, What If, being perfect, having the ideal set of circumstances first.
- Be kind and loving to yourself – you’re doing this for yourself!
So, what is your goal – for yourself?
If this is something you need help with, then reach out to get started. I help my clients on these issues to become the people they are meant to be and lead happier lives.
You can find out more about how I can help you on my website www.changecoursecoaching.eu
We can work on just your one goal for this year or a combination of issues you would like to solve to move forward in your life. You can also contact me directly on my website.
9 February 2022